I loved review #10. That’s why I post my music on GarageBand. To get strong reactions, good or bad.
So I emailed the reviewer to thank him (and provoke him a little) and, he emailed me back, and surprised me quite a bit.
Note, it is important to understand that when you review a song on GB, you don’t know anything about the song or the artist you are reviewing. You only find out once the review is submitted.
So this is what I said:
Thanks so much for taking the time to write such a detailed review.
Thanks to you, I have discovered that there are « anti-pop » words. I had no idea that certain words were forbidden in pop songs. So thanks to you, again, I now know that my song goes against nature, and that my originality has angered the gods of conformity, who admittedly, rule your country, but fortunately, not mine.
My one regret is not knowing who beat me to the #1 spot for worse vocal performance.
Thanks again for the good time,
Vincent.
And this is what the reviewer answered back:
Thanks for being a good sport…the truth is, and believe me this is intended to make you feel better about what I said, I thought the song was put up for review as a joke…something that happened once before. The band was called Abandoned Psyche garageband.com/artist/abandonedpsyche. The song was called You are the Tablecloth and the Table, and it was horrible, start to finish. My review was just plain mean because I knew it was a joke, and my review got a score of 11. A couple of days later the song was removed from GB.
I assumed that the site admins might sometimes throw one of those in when there’s an odd number of bands or something like that.
Today when your song came up, and let’s be honest, it doesn’t fit the format at all, I thought it was another joke and I slammed it almost identically to the way I did Abandoned Psyche.
Example: I told you to go into construction, and I told the lead singer of Abandoned Psyche to become a monk under a vow of silence.
Later, when I saw that you are a serious performer, I felt pretty bad, because while your kind of music is far from my favorite, it’s certainly not any of the things I said about it…I even mailed the admins asking if I could go back and edit my review. No answer yet.
So you’re not happy with the review (as you have the right not to be), and my perfect record as a reviewer is now shot, thanks to you…and I’m a little pissed about that.
So here we are, both unhappy. To which I say: « c’est la vie, » good luck in your career, and sorry if any of that was too hurtful.